I'm continuing to do my grief work. It means looking back on how I've handled my life, especially those times after some great loss occurred. After the most recent death in my family in 2001, I followed my pattern of dealing with tragic events in life. I take care of the needs of those around me and I don't talk about what I'm feeling inside. I listen to others, but don't share my own breaking heart.
Now my work is to uncover those emotions that I must have felt but didn't express. I'm reading a number of books on grief and loss, but they're all about grief of a death or major loss within the past year.
I've been harboring these feelings for years. I'm thinking it actually doesn't matter that the deaths were years ago, that the feelings are the very same as they were when the death occurred. I can do the work and have some healing now.
The other benefit I have as I do this work is a deeper understanding of myself and all I've been through. With this I am feeling more and more joyful and I'm ever more able to contribute to others. And that makes me happy!
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